


Back From The Dead- Roman Torchwick x Reader

by livthekitten



Category: RWBY
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:11:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8927047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livthekitten/pseuds/livthekitten
Summary: After Roman's death, you go through some things. However, once you finally get over him, he comes back! :O





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will include slightly mature themes that may be triggering for some people! Read with caution!

Roman Torchwick is dead.

You felt dizzy the first time you heard this. You felt like everything was a dream. It couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be dead. It wasn’t true, right? Cinder was the one who told the group, and the emotionless tone of her voice made you feel sick to your stomach. They didn’t even to care. If he were really dead they would have cared more, right? Or was that the plan that they wouldn't tell you this whole time? You wanted to go home and think about, well, everything.

You had never even considered the possibility of him dying. Could he? No, you thought. Roman is not dead. He will come back. You would not let yourself even think about that. It was almost as if you were keeping a secret from yourself, and you didn't want yourself to know the truth. 

That night you couldn’t sleep. You couldn’t eat either. Too many thoughts were buzzing in your tired mind. As you laid in bed, you realized that none of this felt real. The weight of the idea felt real, but it couldn't be true, could it? It almost felt like you were dreaming, and you’d wake up any moment to see Roman in that bed with you. Maybe that's what's going on? You wanted that to be the case, but the empty place where Roman slept months ago was still empty, and you were still all alone.

It said online that writing to your lost one might help, so you wrote letters to your supposedly dead boyfriend, though you still hadn't fully accepted the fact that he was gone for good. After a while, you decided it only made things worse and stopped. To try to get your mind off things, you got a job as a store clerk. You worked Monday through Friday every week. It did give you something to do, and you did meet a nice old lady who worked the same shift as you named Sharon. When you got home, though, you still thought about Roman. You Just wanted him out of your head! He's always in your head!

After a while, once you fully realized Roman was gone, you found yourself angry. It wasn’t fair! What did you do to deserve this?! It had to be someone’s fault. You needed someone to blame! You were mad at Cinder for not even caring. You still had to work even though the man you were in love with was dead. And you weren’t even there! Why weren’t you the one sent to save him?! But you were also mad at Roman! He wasn’t careful! He died! He wouldn’t have died if he weren’t so- so- UGH! You couldn’t think right!

You needed to calm down. Your head always hurt from thinking. You tried letting your rage out physically through punching things or working out. Every time you thought you had calmed down, more thought swarmed in your head. Both physically and mentally you were exhausted. You couldn't sleep, you couldn't eat, you physically worked all the time and your mind was always working too hard, so you were constantly tired and you hurt all over.

If only it were you.

You thought about this a lot. You would have taken Roman’s place in a heartbeat. In fact, it could have been anyone else. But no, it had to be him. Why did it have to be him of all people? He spent all that time in jail only to be killed. Maybe if you had been better for Cinder she wouldn't have let that happen. What if this was God punishing you for being a criminal? You continued to live in the past regretting everything, and eventually this lead you into an inescapable pit of despair most would call "depression."

Your depressed state was expected considering you lost someone dear to you, but damn, it hit you hard. You couldn't do anything. You felt empty as if anything left from you had blown away. You felt so pathetic; so vulnerable in this state. You wished you were dead with Roman. You considered suicide sometimes, even if you thought of it as an "easy" way out. It was hard to get up to go to work, you didn't feel a need to eat or sleep, and when you couldn't do even the simplest tasks you'd beat yourself up about it.

It was almost as if you were at war with yourself. you would hate yourself for not being able to get stuff done and were constantly angry with any emotions you felt. You hated how long it was taking to get over Roman.

You are a thief working for criminals! you would tell yourself. How did you expect your relationship to end? Did you just think you could finish this job and settle down with your fellow criminal?! You are an idiot to think that it would be okay in the end. That's not how the world works. People like you don't get cheesy fairytale endings like that. Look at you now. No friends, no family, no one. No one loves you, no one wants you here, no one will even talk to you. Why are you even here anymore? Do everyone a favor and just k i l l y o u r s e l f.

Your inner voice would say things like that and you would then get suicidal thoughts. It was an endless cycle of feeling bad then hating yourself, then it would repeat. The voices were your brain, and your brain wouldn't lie to you, right? You believed everything you thought and your condition only got worse as time passed.

Eventually, the negative voice in your head got so frustrating that you shut it out and refused to accept any emotions. Your anxiety got bad and you were panicking? Too bad you're just gonna have to deal with it. Was depression kicking in again? That's a shame but nothing's gonna fix you so why waste time on that? You were basically playing Whack-A-Mole with all of your emotions whether they were positive or negative.

Needless to say, the death of your boyfriend hit you hard. You were extremely unstable. But that was almost a month ago. It had been 5 months since Roman had died, and a year since you had even seen him. It was the middle of December and you had a new lifestyle. Cinder disappeared with Emerald and Mercury shortly after Roman died, then Neo. You were all alone, still living in your apartment. It's not that you weren't used to living alone, for Neo was with Cinder for the Vytal festival while Roman was in jail, but now no one was coming back to you and you were truly forever alone.

Today was Thursday, which meant the week was almost over. Today felt slower than usual, but that might have been because you were thinking about Roman again. You finally returned to a normal schedule and weren't always thinking about Roman, but today one year ago was the day he left for a mission and got arrested. It was the last day you ever saw him. To be honest, you were kind of bitter about Roman's death. You didn't want to think about it and became annoyed with the reoccurring thoughts of him (part of it was also that if you thought about how you felt about Roman your emotions would break lose and you didn't want that to happen.)

Your shift had ended, and you were finally able to go home. You and your co-worker Sharon were the last ones left in the store, so you said goodnight and locked the building. The clouds covered the sun, but you could tell it wouldn't be long before it would be completely dark out. You walked down the snowy sidewalks as the snow got worse. By the time you got home you were tired, but when you tried to sleep you couldn't. Instead, you just laid there watching the snow fall.

You were almost asleep when you heard your door open. Neo wouldn't come back, so you doubted it was her. You grabbed a knife you kept close by and crept to the door. In front of you was a tall shadowy figure in a winter jacket with a toque. It was definitely a man, about six feet tall. While his back was towards you, you took the opportunity to get behind him and put your knife to the figure's throat. Even though he was taller than you, you still had a firm grip on a knife close to his neck, almost close enough to cut his skin. Not quite, but one wrong move could result in his death.

"Who are you, and what are you doing here?" you asked him, knife still at his throat. 

"C'mon sweetheart, don't you remember me?"

Wait. That voice. That was Roman's voice. Your knife loosened from your hand for a moment and almost fell, but then you tightened your grip again. No (Y/n), you told yourself. Roman isn't here. He died. You know that.

"Don't fuck with me. Everyone with access to this home left. I'm alone here. Now Who are you, what are you doing here?!" you repeated, this time with a firmer voice. You pressed the flat side of the knife on his throat to show you meant business. "Don't think I won't do it, because I will. I've seen a lot of shit in my time, so petty thieves like you mean nothing to me," you said. To be honest, this wasn't really like you, but you were disturbed from much-needed sleep and a guy with a voice like your dead boyfriend just broke into your home. You were kinda mad.

"Heyheyhey! Babe, it's me! Just put the knife down, and I can explain!" He said. You said nothing. "Okay, I guess we're staying like this. But just hear me out."

"You better have a damn good reason for being here or this'll be the last house you ever break into," you told him.

"A reason? (Y/n), I'm your boyfriend!"

"No, if you're referring to Roman Torchwick, he's dead," you said in an annoyed tone.

"Look, I know you and the others think I'm dead, but you gotta believe me!" He said desperately.

"If you really are him...prove it. Say something that only Roman and I would know," you said. To your surprise, he actually started saying something.

"Remember how you worked at Beacon? It was for Cinder, but you still posed as a teacher there.You were a (fav. subject) teacher, and you always had to leave way too early for my liking.Yeah, and there was that guy, Port I think? And he would always flirt with you. And I hated to admit it, but I was kinda jealous," he said. As he spoke your knife got further away from the man's neck until he was able to relax more. You were in shock, to say the least. You forgot your anger from before.

"Roman? H-how?" you asked. You put the knife down with a trembling hand. Not just your hand was trembling, though, no. Your whole body was shaking uncontrollably due to the new information. All this time, Roman was alive?

"Why don't we sit down and talk? I know it's probably a lot to take in," he said and you both walked towards your living room.


	2. An Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman explains how he survived and you two try to go back to normal. Keyword "try".

_"Roman? H-how?" you asked. You put the knife down with a trembling hand. Not just your hand was trembling, though, no. Your whole body was shaking uncontrollably due to the new information. All this time, Roman was alive?_

_"Why don't we sit down and talk? I know it's probably a lot to take in," he said and you both walked towards your living room._

Once you sat down, you said nothing. You had so many questions, you didn't even know where to start. Luckily Roman spoke so you didn't have to.

"You're probably wondering what happened. Uh, when was the last time I saw you again?" he asked, kind of ashamed that he had to ask (though he would never admit that). You grumbled angrily.

"The last time I saw you was when you were arrested. That was a year ago today, actually. Nice timing," you said sarcastically. Roman sighed.

"Right, well, I escaped...1, 2, 3, 4, 5 months later," he counted the months on his fingers. "Once Neo let me out I took over the airship, then...ugh, then Red showed up and fought Neo and I, but when we fought we were on the roof. Long story short, I got eaten by a grimm that crashed into the cockpit, but since I was swallowed whole I was able to get out alive. I called Neo and told her to keep acting like I was dead. I couldn't let Cinder know I survived, or she would continue using me. I figured I'd have to hide for a while, but I figured once I was sure I was safe, we could go back to normal. I suppose Neo isn't here, but I can contact her whenever."

"Woah, woah, woah. So let me get this straight. You called me _once_ after you got out of jail for like, two minutes, then you faked death and told Neo but not me, then stayed hidden for _seven_ months without thinking to contact me once? Gee thanks," you said, once again in a sarcastic tone. You were honestly really pissed off. And really tired. You couldn't really think right.

"Well, I mean, you could have told Cinder accidentally, or something..." Roman trailed off.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Hey, look, I did what I had to. But I haven't seen _you_ in a year either. What have you been up to?" he asked, trying to change the subject. Lucky for him, you didn't question him anymore.

"Well, after you left I didn't really do much. The school closed down and Cinder left so I got another job," you told him.

"That's...that's cool...where?" He wasn't thrilled that you were working a real job instead of stealing like you used to, but he didn't want to start an argument with the girl who almost killed him.

"I work at the local grocery store down the road. You remember the one, right? We robbed it way back when? It's funny, I didn't think I'd be working there for a living, but life has been very... surprising for the past year," you said.

A long and uncomfortable silence filled the room, and you and Roman just started at each other. You half glared at him for what he did to you, but as you looked at his face you slowly began to look on the brighter side. He may have left, but he is back now. Though you hated to admit it now, you _really_ missed the way he looked at you. Those eyes brought back so many memories. The barrier you built to ignore your feelings was crumbling with each second, and all emotions flooded out. Out of your eyes, that is. Your eyes began to sting and tears streamed down your face.

Roman's face went from the slightest smile to shock and worry as he saw your sudden mood swing. He honestly had no clue you'd react this way and was startled by everything you had done since he came back. You noticed this and looked away, smiling a bit.

"I'm sorry, I just... I really missed you. It's been so long since the last time I saw you," you said between sniffles. Having a better understanding of the situation, Roman put his hand on your cheek and wiped your tears. He then pulled you into a hug. It wasn't a lazy hug, no. It was a hug that made you feel safe; a hug that made you feel so loved you could almost cry even more. That simple gesture of affection showed how much Roman cared for you and made you feel that much better. You missed this feeling so much. The walls you built around your emotions out of fear were crumbling all around you, yet having Roman here with you made it alright.

"Shhhh, it's okay. I'm here for you. It's okay," he whispered into your hair then kissed the top of your head before resting his chin there. His hand gently rubbed your back and you were both quiet for another long time, save for the occasional sniffles and sobs that came from you. Once you had completely calmed down, Roman spoke once more.

"I still love you, you know," he said barely above a whisper. You nodded.

"I- Thank you. I love you too," you said. You would have looked up to meet his face, but instead, your eyes were on the blizzard outside. Watching snow was rather calming and was what almost had you asleep before Roman came. You slowly began to fall asleep in Roman's arms the same way you did so long ago. Before you knew it, sleep got the best of you, and your heavy eyelids finally fell completely.

The next morning you woke up in your bed. You guessed that Roman brought you to bed after you fell asleep in his arms. You weren't in a position where you were able to see your boyfriend, but his arms around your waist told you that he was there. After you two were awake and doing things for a while, you went to make your bed.

"I never really got why people made beds look all nice and neat. Why make a bed look tidy if you're just going to mess it up again?" Roman asked. He wasn't totally complaining, he was just curious, and may have been trying to break the silence too.

"Well, think of..." you tried to find something else that could be compared to it. "Heh, why let you back into my life when you're just gonna die again?" Roman looked at you for a moment to say " _Did you really make that analogy?_ " Though he wasn't as amused, you struggled to hide the smirk on your face. Got 'em.

Today you had to go to work, so you told Roman where everything was before you left. "You're lucky I'm so sentimental. I kept pretty much everything, so if you're looking for something, it's probably in a box in the coat closet," you told him before leaving.

When you got to work you seemed brighter than usual. You weren't over-the-top cheery, but you were still different enough to catch Sharon's eye. She wouldn't ask why quite yet, but eventually she did want to know what made you happy.

While you were at work, Roman took the time to look around. He saw that Neo's room was still the same but hadn't been used in a long time. Everything else was pretty much the same. His clothing was still where it was before, the furniture never changed, and the only thing he couldn't find was his stack of bowler hats. He had like, twelve, just in case he lost one, but he couldn't find any of them. The first place he checked was the boxes where you said everything else would be.

Roman pulled out a box and surely enough, his hats were neatly in a stack. He took one out and looked at it. It wasn't like his original one, but he would be able to fix that later. Under the hats, he found a tape recorder with six or seven tapes. There was something on top of the tapes that was just a piece of paper with scribbled words on it. When he opened it, it read,

_SELF THERAPY- Getting over the untimely demise of a loved one:_

_\- talk to others about your loss_

This one was scribbled out, but Roman's heart dropped when he knew what it was for. It was self-therapy for coping with death. _His_ death. If his "death" lead you to look into therapy, he must have really affected you. He continued to read the list you made.  
 _  
-text yourself positive things every day  
-tapes @ voicesofthetime.org  
-talk to literally anyone_

The last ones were scribbled out, but he could still make out, _drink?, find other men,_ and _see professional therapist_. He still wondered what the tapes were for, though. He picked one up and looked for any type of writing. The one he grabbed had _AUGUST_ written on it. Curiosity got the best of him and he decided to play the tape. He was gone for so long, he didn't know much about this "new you." There was nothing wrong with trying to learn more about what happened while he was away. This tape was pretty much right after he went into hiding too, so it should show more of what it was like for you. It's not like you'd be home anytime soon, right? Plus what would you even have to hide?

Boy, was it a mistake to listen. It began with you introducing yourself, giving your name and age. Everything past that point was not good. Your voice began to choke up before you could even say anything. Still, you explained your situation and why you were making the tape. This must be the reason for the web address on next to the _tapes_ bulletin. It was almost like a vocal diary, with every thought and emotion. There was crying, there were long pauses, then it just ended without warning.

Listening to the tape was quite possibly the worst thing Roman could have done. He had no idea you would have felt like this. Roman looked back at the other few tapes, and he felt sick to his stomach when he realized what they all were. Roman wasn't used to feeling bad, considering the only people he had been able to care about in a really long time were you and Neo and he was in jail all the time. This, though; this made Roman feel terrible. He never wanted to see you or Neo get hurt, but knowing that you were the one causing such emotional pain got to the thief. He put everything back in the box with haste and decided to go for a walk and a smoke break. Only a short one, though, because he wanted to be there when you got home. He didn't want you worrying about him anymore.

As Roman walked he thought a lot and he thought with all seriousness. When he first decided it was safe to leave hiding, he assumed that you'd be no different and you'd be happy to have him back. Maybe you'd be a bit surprised, but it wouldn't be a bad thing. Now, though, he realized how much his actions affected you. Roman took a puff from his cigar. This was much direr than what he expected, and Roman began feeling an emotion he didn't feel very often: regret.

He decided that there were two things he could do. He could either confront you and try to get everything over with but risk your relationship, or he could _not_ address the elephant in the room and could pretend everything is fine. Roman, being a man who rarely did the right thing and rather did what was most beneficial or easiest, chose the latter. His cigar was gone and he found himself rather cold, so he decided it would be a good time to go home.

When your shift was over you said goodbye to Sharon, but before you left she stopped you.

"I was wondering (Y/n), you seem really happy and I don't want to be invasive, ya know, but I was wondering why that is?" she asked.

"Oh, it's fine! It's just because," you thought of a way to word your situation without going too in depth. "Well it's because someone I missed very much has come back into my life," you told her.

"That's good," the old woman replied. "I'm glad you're happy dear! Now you have a good night."

"Thanks, you too!" you replied and went home.

When you got back you were greeted by Roman. He kissed your forehead and hugged you.

"Hey, how was your day?" he asked, rubbing your back with his hand. You leaned into the hug and closed your eyes.

"It was good. It was really tiring, but pretty average," you told him. "I'm going to shower, though, then I may just go to bed because like I said, I'm really tired."

That night after you had showered and Roman was in the shower, you were washing dishes and noticed that your scars on your arms were very noticeable. Since it was winter, you usually wore long sleeve shirts to cover them, but the shirt you wore tonight was loose, and the sleeves could easily pull up and reveal your cuts. Being a bit ashamed of self-harming, you didn't want your boyfriend to notice so you pulled the ends of the sleeves down and headed to bed. You then sat on your side of the bed on your phone until Roman joined you. Once the two of you were situated, you looked into his eyes and stayed that way for a while.

"Psst," you whispered to him.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm glad your back," you said.

"Psst," he mimicked you.

"What?" this time it was your turn to ask.

"I'm glad too. I missed you," he said.

"Yeah," you yawned, "I love you."

"Love you too," he said and wrapped his arms around you. You put your arms in between the two of you to try to be more comfortable, but when you did your sleeve rolled up and your scars were visible. Roman saw them and brushed his fingers over them. Some were dull smoothed over like a scar, but some were rough, meaning that some of them were fairly recent. " _Oh no,_ " was all he could think as his mind went to the worst of places.

"W-why would you..." he said in almost a growl. You felt his hand and quickly covered your arm with the sleeve, but it was too late. He grabbed your arm and kept staring at them. Roman looked shocked, horrified, and almost a little bit disgusted. You avoided eye contact but explained yourself.

"I...well I won't anymore. It was just from... When you 'died' I didn't handle it very well. It was kind of a tough time for me, and I wanted to be gone too... Sorry you saw those," you told him, refusing to look up at his face.

"This was because of me? How could you be so stupid?!" Roman yelled. You frowned and finally made eye contact.

"I'm sorry, what? Stupid?" you retorted.

"Yeah! (Y/n), you could have died! I could have come back to an empty apartment and a dead girlfriend!" Roman was really making you mad. First not telling you he was alive, then coming home after a year without any contact whatsoever, now this?

"Of course I could have died! That was the idea! That why I put them there! You were all I had and you left me. Everyone in my life went away and I thought you would be different, but you left too. Why should I keep living when my reason to live is gone?!"

Roman finally went silent. He was silent for a really long time. His heart dropped and he felt nauseous. This was his fault. You were emotionally and now physically scarred all because of him. He was silent for a while longer and his hand that held your wrist began to shake. His breathing got shaky too. For the first time ever, and very possibly the last too, you saw Roman Torchwick cry. It wasn't uncontrollable sobbing, mind you, but more like angry silent tears, and if you hadn't looked up at him you wouldn't have noticed. His grip moved from your wrist to your waist to pull you towards him and he held onto you with so much strength it almost hurt you. You still felt a little salty about it, but you would feel terrible if you didn't do anything.

So you didn't do anything. Not for a while at least. It's not that you didn't want to comfort him, but you didn't know what to do. You now felt how Roman did last night when you started crying. Wow, you both were a mess. You kept holding eye contact with Roman for a long time until you finally did something.

"Hey, it's not actually that bad," you started. Great comforting.

"Except it is.You could have been dead right now," he replied, not once breaking eye contact.

"Yeah, but..." You had to admit, he got you there. "I guess that's true, but I'm not, so that's a plus!" No reply from him whatsoever. Sheesh, the reminder never to make Roman cry ever again (though that should be a given).

"Look, we could spend a whole lot of time yelling and/or crying about what could have happened, OR consider this, we look at what did happen instead, which is the unchangeable part. There are so many other things that could have happened. We both could have died, I could have gone with Cinder, you could have left forever. There are a lot of possibilities there, but we can't change what actually happened. We both ended up together again and that's all that really matters. Why bother with the 'what-if's when we can-" you were cut off by Roman's quiet but still audible laughter. "What? What is it?" you asked.

"Oh nothing," he said, wiping his eyes from tears (from the previous crying, not laughter).

"What?!" You were so confused. The past five minutes had made no sense. Roman kissed your forehead and then rested his head on yours.

"It's nothing, just go to sleep," he chuckled lightly.

"Noooo, I really want to know now!"

"Okay, fiiiiiine," Roman agreed dramatically. "I just thought it was kinda funny that you went on a whole emotional speech like some kind of award-winner or hero or whatever."

"Hey! It was because you were crying!" you defended.

"I'll never admit to that," he said and kissed you again. "But in all seriousness, I'm really sorry for making you go through what you did, and I hope our relationship can be the same as it was before. I won't leave again, I can promise you that."

With that, you two went to bed for real. You were at home with your living boyfriend once again, your bodies as close together as humanly possible. You didn't have to worry anymore or feel sad about Roman's death. Soon Neo would come back too, and the three of you could finally be the best thieves around once again. You'd have to quit your job- though you didn't mind- but you'd finally be able to use your burgling talent again. You were about to have your old life back, and you couldn't be happier about it.

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue it? If you guys would like me to, I will!


End file.
